My apologies for being absent from my posting. I've been thinking, living, being.
I used to think to live was to fight. Then I thought to live was to win and then to gain. Now I understand it's none of those; So far as I can tell, To Live is to Be. There isn't much I do or don't do, only that I am and therefor I will do eventually, if not right now. Some things I am coming to understand and others entirely I am just finding. Some I'm even beginning to understand less. I'm fortunate those are the the things I want to understand less.
I've fallen into this needless swing of things, just moving through life. I think this is what I feared when I was younger, this fear of simply being part of the cycle. I wanted to be unique and I realized that everyone else was unique too... Makes me a lot less unique thinking like that. And I'm not all that special. But I am doing what I should be doing at this age; preparing fr my latter years, fending for myself to a degree and simply doing my job, coming home and doing what I normally do. It's this gradual circle I do everyday: Get up, brush my teeth, go to work, come back home, (Maybe chill with a friend in between)
I've seen some crazy things yet, for some reason, I don't feel like writing them down. Some of them seem like those crazy old man stories... others... well I guess I just don't feel it would be real enough to try to explain. I think, when I get back home in Beaverton, I'll be something different than when I left. The north, the light, the constant need to improve myself or be cast away in my mind and possibly other's minds... I think it's changed me to be up here and I'd be lying iof I said that didn't scare me a bit. I'm afraid that it'll all go back to the way it was, the home I didn't like living in...
Still I know that it camnnot be that way. I'm coming to face my fears in this world. I enjoy living this newer, more independent life.
