My apologies for being absent from my posting. I've been thinking, living, being.
I used to think to live was to fight. Then I thought to live was to win and then to gain. Now I understand it's none of those; So far as I can tell, To Live is to Be. There isn't much I do or don't do, only that I am and therefor I will do eventually, if not right now. Some things I am coming to understand and others entirely I am just finding. Some I'm even beginning to understand less. I'm fortunate those are the the things I want to understand less.
I've fallen into this needless swing of things, just moving through life. I think this is what I feared when I was younger, this fear of simply being part of the cycle. I wanted to be unique and I realized that everyone else was unique too... Makes me a lot less unique thinking like that. And I'm not all that special. But I am doing what I should be doing at this age; preparing fr my latter years, fending for myself to a degree and simply doing my job, coming home and doing what I normally do. It's this gradual circle I do everyday: Get up, brush my teeth, go to work, come back home, (Maybe chill with a friend in between)
I've seen some crazy things yet, for some reason, I don't feel like writing them down. Some of them seem like those crazy old man stories... others... well I guess I just don't feel it would be real enough to try to explain. I think, when I get back home in Beaverton, I'll be something different than when I left. The north, the light, the constant need to improve myself or be cast away in my mind and possibly other's minds... I think it's changed me to be up here and I'd be lying iof I said that didn't scare me a bit. I'm afraid that it'll all go back to the way it was, the home I didn't like living in...
Still I know that it camnnot be that way. I'm coming to face my fears in this world. I enjoy living this newer, more independent life.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Things Are...
My life keeps flowing up here in Alaska. It's a different day, same thing most days. The things that are normal are exceedingly uneventful but when events happen I'm afraid my skills as a writer are lacking to explain them. I don't think any word in any language could describe how I see these few things that catch me. Blaack bear mothers and cubs. Standing no more than eight feet from a moose mother and baby with only the option of walking past calmly with my weedwacker. It almost seems normal to see them but they are still captivating.
Going camping this weekend. looking forward to it. Hope I don't get attacked by bears; hope if I do I give 'em hell. I'll be doing some more fishing and also be doing a goodly deal of basic hiking.
It seems interesting that I'm acclimating so well yet there are these indescribable things. I wouldn't do them justice to try to spell it out, these sights. What can I say? A picture doesn't say enough. You have to be there.
Alaska is a wild wonderland with human inhabitants. Humans aren't on the top of the food chain up here, they're not even close. The Last Frontier truly is still wild. The City of Anchorage can't even be considered a big city, a tenth the population of the Portland Metro; and Anchorage's city limits are orders of magnitude larger. Moose will walk through properties I work at like they own the place and ya know, they really do. This is their home, not ours. We, as the human race, just ty to push in where we can. People still die from moose, bears and wolves every year up here and, half the time, there's either nothing they could have done, they were unprapared or stupid.
Man walked out of a community center a year or so back, I heard first night I was here, stepped outside and was immediately stomped to death because he couldn't have seen the mother moose and baby moose around the sharop corner. Comes out two feet in front of them; game over.
Nature still rules this place and it saved the pretty stuff for up here. When I come back down I'll be home again but I will feel a primal emptiness in my hindbrain. Something of me will stay behind here, of what I cannot yet know,
Going camping this weekend. looking forward to it. Hope I don't get attacked by bears; hope if I do I give 'em hell. I'll be doing some more fishing and also be doing a goodly deal of basic hiking.
It seems interesting that I'm acclimating so well yet there are these indescribable things. I wouldn't do them justice to try to spell it out, these sights. What can I say? A picture doesn't say enough. You have to be there.
Alaska is a wild wonderland with human inhabitants. Humans aren't on the top of the food chain up here, they're not even close. The Last Frontier truly is still wild. The City of Anchorage can't even be considered a big city, a tenth the population of the Portland Metro; and Anchorage's city limits are orders of magnitude larger. Moose will walk through properties I work at like they own the place and ya know, they really do. This is their home, not ours. We, as the human race, just ty to push in where we can. People still die from moose, bears and wolves every year up here and, half the time, there's either nothing they could have done, they were unprapared or stupid.
Man walked out of a community center a year or so back, I heard first night I was here, stepped outside and was immediately stomped to death because he couldn't have seen the mother moose and baby moose around the sharop corner. Comes out two feet in front of them; game over.
Nature still rules this place and it saved the pretty stuff for up here. When I come back down I'll be home again but I will feel a primal emptiness in my hindbrain. Something of me will stay behind here, of what I cannot yet know,
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Weekends, Good Stuff
I am coming to enjoy my weekends more and more these past couple weeks. As the week goes by the days drag on a little more and I find that point where I'm sure I'll go insane creeping up in front of me but I never reach it.
Payday's on Tuesday and I am probably going to get my airplane ticket this check or the next. After that it's straight to saving for a laptop, which I have seen to be cheaper than I expected. This is good ^^ That's two paychecks in. I have decided, also, that I am coming back on august 25th instead of 15th so I can get a full pay period on my bank before I leave work. It's cheaper as well. I'll only have a week to enjoy time back before I have to get all busy again but it's worth it for the money I'll be getting so that i can successfully set myself back up at home.
Payday's on Tuesday and I am probably going to get my airplane ticket this check or the next. After that it's straight to saving for a laptop, which I have seen to be cheaper than I expected. This is good ^^ That's two paychecks in. I have decided, also, that I am coming back on august 25th instead of 15th so I can get a full pay period on my bank before I leave work. It's cheaper as well. I'll only have a week to enjoy time back before I have to get all busy again but it's worth it for the money I'll be getting so that i can successfully set myself back up at home.
Saturday, May 26, 2012
No News Is Good News
Life quite uneventful... Almost boring but not. I have reached a place of momentary contendedness where nothing is appropriately of note.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Sense Of Time
Was sick tuesday, pretty bad feeling. All sorts of stuffed up so I left work at noon to get sleep aand sauna time. Needed to get better.
Feel much better today, day just soared by. Monday the day soared by as well but Lonte felt like it dragged on. I wonder what it is that makes two different people experience thee flow of time in a single day differently. Surely there are more than a few variables. There must be something that perpetuates this slowness in activity during the day in one person's mind when another notices a quickness.
Other news I stood not twenty feet from a moose on the job today. I was raking in a yard and a person smoking on their balcony caled down "Hey, you guys got some company."
Huge female moose walked right by us, staring knowingly at us for a bit but not really slowing down. She clearly knew she could stomp me and my cowoker flat in a second and a half, felt like she had the lay of the land. Walked up to a nearby tree, nibbled on it a moment, walked off. Cool experience, bigger than the last moose I saw up close, by a good foot at the shoulder
Days are going by more easily. I'm glad I ook the rest of the day off yesterday but I won't let myself take ay more time off for a while. I need to work and earn my keep, payy my rent and save up money for a good foundation to return to when I come home. Need a new phone and laptop too...
Been talking with my grandfather over emails and talking to new friends online as of late. Got Lonte's friend a new card table finally. He seems to like it.
Not much horribly out of the ordinary
Yours,
Dag
Feel much better today, day just soared by. Monday the day soared by as well but Lonte felt like it dragged on. I wonder what it is that makes two different people experience thee flow of time in a single day differently. Surely there are more than a few variables. There must be something that perpetuates this slowness in activity during the day in one person's mind when another notices a quickness.
Other news I stood not twenty feet from a moose on the job today. I was raking in a yard and a person smoking on their balcony caled down "Hey, you guys got some company."
Huge female moose walked right by us, staring knowingly at us for a bit but not really slowing down. She clearly knew she could stomp me and my cowoker flat in a second and a half, felt like she had the lay of the land. Walked up to a nearby tree, nibbled on it a moment, walked off. Cool experience, bigger than the last moose I saw up close, by a good foot at the shoulder
Days are going by more easily. I'm glad I ook the rest of the day off yesterday but I won't let myself take ay more time off for a while. I need to work and earn my keep, payy my rent and save up money for a good foundation to return to when I come home. Need a new phone and laptop too...
Been talking with my grandfather over emails and talking to new friends online as of late. Got Lonte's friend a new card table finally. He seems to like it.
Not much horribly out of the ordinary
Yours,
Dag
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Mother's Day and Gospel
First of all I have several people in my life that deserve the thankings and Mother's Day wishing. Happy Mother's Day, first of all, to my mother; who bore me and without which I would not exist. Happy Mother's Day to my sister; who was always there when she could when the bad time came around. She a little gruff but aren't we all? Seldom does anything come from her mouth that isn't silly that isn't correct and thought about. To Jenn, Lonte's wife, for she is my step-motheer, has accepted me into her home and family, bought nice things for me, gave me this chance for success and EVEN gave me a free massage, which was awesome. Without her I would not be here in Alaska. I give her part of may check to cover my expenses, do chores, so on. It's a symbiosis she has allowed me to keep.
Finally, in family matters, My Grandmother; who I only get to see about once a year and am passing up the chance to go to Michigan this year for this job opportunity. Next year I will plan better around the rest of the family. However, I know that right now they she is proud of me having done this job and being productive. My Grandma was there before us all and without which none of this cycle could have even gotten started. The dynamics between all of us are ultimately dependent on her decisions in the past. She is a wonderful woman and I hope she lives another 30 years! If not more. And to her dying day she'll be in her garden doing what she loves or at the donation center helping people.
I love you all very much and I am so happy to have you all in my life. Even if the times are sometimes rocky they all even out at the end of the day. We all love each other and that's what mattters.
And to the fifth person, for whom all of the above general statements still apply, You are my roommate and a true friend of me. Even if you slip sometimes I slip so much more. Though you're not a woman you ARE a mother figure, at least in my home and nobody would deny it. Whether the motherliness is making the place look pretty, nagging kids to get things dopne or booting the chicks out of the nest when it's time to go, you do it while I am away in some far away making war with wild bears and cleaning up lawns and driveways so I can make a living. How sweet of you ^^ You totally get props.
On an afternote:
I am doing well, changing, maturing, becoming less of something I was yesterday and more of something I have vowed to be tomorrow. I am hearing more things I like and gaining the ability to, in short time, shrug off the negativities of the world. There's some hard egocentricity in this world, things that are programmed into us RIGHT from birth or possibly just a bit afterward. Some people are just going to be negative to you in subtle but devastating ways because it gives them a childish sense of glee. A lot of our popular culture is based around selfishness and indulgence. Couple weeks ago I heard a song lyric that sums what our culture teaches our children through the media, "Living In Sin Is The Newest Big Thing." Steer clear of this mentality. It's right on the radio, any popular station you turn to, or at least was at one point but it, as a mindset, is NOT condusve to a healthy, fruitful lifestyle. It will drain you of your money, physical health, spiritual connection, emotional drive and mental potential. Ya, we're talking ALL facets of life here.
Now I'm not saying don't kick back a beer every so often. I'm a flawed individual, I have my own little indulgences. But they are exactly those, "Little" indulgences. Heck, every once in a while I have been known to have a REAL bash, within which something really stupid may or may not happen. Case and point, I recently had a crash in mentality and faith where I was confused and worried for my status in life as well as divinity. This happened right after a moment of indulgence and a lack of forethought based on childish whimsy. After not horribly long I went to the wisest man in my life, my Grandfather, and ased him help. Being a very devout christian our viewpoints are subtly different in many aspects. However, we both believe that to love everyone is god(s) will in truth, more or less.
I thought on what my grandfather has told me and am thinking on it constantly. It is enough to instill within me my faith once more, that much more solid and tangible in my mortal eyes. It is important to not life an unproductive life of indulgence and imbalance but even more important to live a life of love and compassion. If you slip up, remember that if your emotions are true and loving then there is some way to fix the problem. If it is clear that other prties are not willing to reciprocate then you should stay away from them. That barring there is one thing the Gods gave us lips for if nothing else; to press together in silent defiance, only opening to spread love or provide positive affirmations.
And a month or so back I wouldn't have understood that but now I made it. How nice to see.
If it's not your gospel, though, it's mine. That's the way I will live my life. I will be compassionate and lead by example when possible. I'll learn to control when to use those lips the gods gave me and I will meditate perpetually on how to better myself in a way that helps others maintain an environment where they may nurture their own self betterment and happiness. If that takes becoming the president to change the world so kids don't beat each other up to and from school for whimsy, there ya go.
There is a balance that the universe will keep whether we like it or else. The more we try to actively screw with that balance in ourselves and others the more the universe will compensate for that imbalance, most times back through us. Negativity is a LOT harder to burn off than collect.
Simply Put:
You live a life of indulgence knowingly unproductive with the intent to live only for yourself and put anyone whose convenient down to get a personl rise you will die early, unhealthy, dissatisfied and without company to love you when you need it.
You live a life of productivity: Spreading love and compassion, providing for your family and friends as best you can, keep a couple small indulgences but work to improve yourself every time you can, work to avoid your past mistakes and safeguard against new ones influencing everything positively... Well even if you die early and unhealthy you will have friends and loved ones around you who you have known and proven to also be loving individuals who you only benefit from knowing. If all we do is love, there is no room for mistakes to taint the purity of our minds.
The time of the great thinkers is not over, we have simply allowed it to atrophy. If we are to turn the "information age" from the Age of Ignorance to the Age of Enlightenment then we must use the tools of our time for forward thinking. I would rather be wise than intelligent. We have so many resources that we misuse. Wield them properly together with skill and good intent and there is no limit to what the human race can do out of mutual good will.
A Modern Philosopher In-Training,
Dag
Finally, in family matters, My Grandmother; who I only get to see about once a year and am passing up the chance to go to Michigan this year for this job opportunity. Next year I will plan better around the rest of the family. However, I know that right now they she is proud of me having done this job and being productive. My Grandma was there before us all and without which none of this cycle could have even gotten started. The dynamics between all of us are ultimately dependent on her decisions in the past. She is a wonderful woman and I hope she lives another 30 years! If not more. And to her dying day she'll be in her garden doing what she loves or at the donation center helping people.
I love you all very much and I am so happy to have you all in my life. Even if the times are sometimes rocky they all even out at the end of the day. We all love each other and that's what mattters.
And to the fifth person, for whom all of the above general statements still apply, You are my roommate and a true friend of me. Even if you slip sometimes I slip so much more. Though you're not a woman you ARE a mother figure, at least in my home and nobody would deny it. Whether the motherliness is making the place look pretty, nagging kids to get things dopne or booting the chicks out of the nest when it's time to go, you do it while I am away in some far away making war with wild bears and cleaning up lawns and driveways so I can make a living. How sweet of you ^^ You totally get props.
On an afternote:
I am doing well, changing, maturing, becoming less of something I was yesterday and more of something I have vowed to be tomorrow. I am hearing more things I like and gaining the ability to, in short time, shrug off the negativities of the world. There's some hard egocentricity in this world, things that are programmed into us RIGHT from birth or possibly just a bit afterward. Some people are just going to be negative to you in subtle but devastating ways because it gives them a childish sense of glee. A lot of our popular culture is based around selfishness and indulgence. Couple weeks ago I heard a song lyric that sums what our culture teaches our children through the media, "Living In Sin Is The Newest Big Thing." Steer clear of this mentality. It's right on the radio, any popular station you turn to, or at least was at one point but it, as a mindset, is NOT condusve to a healthy, fruitful lifestyle. It will drain you of your money, physical health, spiritual connection, emotional drive and mental potential. Ya, we're talking ALL facets of life here.
Now I'm not saying don't kick back a beer every so often. I'm a flawed individual, I have my own little indulgences. But they are exactly those, "Little" indulgences. Heck, every once in a while I have been known to have a REAL bash, within which something really stupid may or may not happen. Case and point, I recently had a crash in mentality and faith where I was confused and worried for my status in life as well as divinity. This happened right after a moment of indulgence and a lack of forethought based on childish whimsy. After not horribly long I went to the wisest man in my life, my Grandfather, and ased him help. Being a very devout christian our viewpoints are subtly different in many aspects. However, we both believe that to love everyone is god(s) will in truth, more or less.
I thought on what my grandfather has told me and am thinking on it constantly. It is enough to instill within me my faith once more, that much more solid and tangible in my mortal eyes. It is important to not life an unproductive life of indulgence and imbalance but even more important to live a life of love and compassion. If you slip up, remember that if your emotions are true and loving then there is some way to fix the problem. If it is clear that other prties are not willing to reciprocate then you should stay away from them. That barring there is one thing the Gods gave us lips for if nothing else; to press together in silent defiance, only opening to spread love or provide positive affirmations.
And a month or so back I wouldn't have understood that but now I made it. How nice to see.
If it's not your gospel, though, it's mine. That's the way I will live my life. I will be compassionate and lead by example when possible. I'll learn to control when to use those lips the gods gave me and I will meditate perpetually on how to better myself in a way that helps others maintain an environment where they may nurture their own self betterment and happiness. If that takes becoming the president to change the world so kids don't beat each other up to and from school for whimsy, there ya go.
There is a balance that the universe will keep whether we like it or else. The more we try to actively screw with that balance in ourselves and others the more the universe will compensate for that imbalance, most times back through us. Negativity is a LOT harder to burn off than collect.
Simply Put:
You live a life of indulgence knowingly unproductive with the intent to live only for yourself and put anyone whose convenient down to get a personl rise you will die early, unhealthy, dissatisfied and without company to love you when you need it.
You live a life of productivity: Spreading love and compassion, providing for your family and friends as best you can, keep a couple small indulgences but work to improve yourself every time you can, work to avoid your past mistakes and safeguard against new ones influencing everything positively... Well even if you die early and unhealthy you will have friends and loved ones around you who you have known and proven to also be loving individuals who you only benefit from knowing. If all we do is love, there is no room for mistakes to taint the purity of our minds.
The time of the great thinkers is not over, we have simply allowed it to atrophy. If we are to turn the "information age" from the Age of Ignorance to the Age of Enlightenment then we must use the tools of our time for forward thinking. I would rather be wise than intelligent. We have so many resources that we misuse. Wield them properly together with skill and good intent and there is no limit to what the human race can do out of mutual good will.
A Modern Philosopher In-Training,
Dag
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Riding Mowers and Vehicles
So that's the subject this update. Today I got to drive a riding mower, to different types; A john deere x320 and a Z-Track. Fun stuff. As I sat in the basic riding mower... well I've beenin a go-kart once or twice, even driven a car but I sadly don't have a liscenc and have some work before I get one. However, it made me yearn for the road. This thing could go fast enough for me to feel win of some sort in my hair. I wanted it more, faster, better. And I can't understand why I haven't been striving for such a thing as a car as I have for self betterment as of late in my life?
That little John Deere, though it was still a job and I had to do it right, was the first time I appreciated driving something. I felt a little freed. I could run as fast as this thing's max speed no problem but there was the luxury of not having to actually run as I dragged something behind me that scratched up the ground for airation. I can see why cars are so successful.
Then the Z-Track. That was twitchy as all getup, no steering wheel at all. Two handles that leaned out when the thing was inactive an when you put them together each side was controlled by one or the other. So I thought: Do it like Katamari Damacy: Worked like a dream. I just imagined I was the prince but instead of pushing something heavy around to suck up all the stuff I just tilted the sticks in my magic grass and debris sucker-upper of Landscaping. And you know what? Everytime I'm in that, I'm gonna listen to the opening theme, in my head! EVERY TIME! Needless to say, it very much brightened my mood and recent skeptic worldview. A bit of insignificant happy, correctly placed, makes a lot of the bad stuff no as important, or at least easier to handle.
I like my job and I like Alaska. Oregon's still my home but Alaska's where every vacation to somewhere I've already been is gonna be. And I'll even work while I'm here, because I'm even okay with that. This is a good vacation fromhome and I needed it.
Yours,
Dag
That little John Deere, though it was still a job and I had to do it right, was the first time I appreciated driving something. I felt a little freed. I could run as fast as this thing's max speed no problem but there was the luxury of not having to actually run as I dragged something behind me that scratched up the ground for airation. I can see why cars are so successful.
Then the Z-Track. That was twitchy as all getup, no steering wheel at all. Two handles that leaned out when the thing was inactive an when you put them together each side was controlled by one or the other. So I thought: Do it like Katamari Damacy: Worked like a dream. I just imagined I was the prince but instead of pushing something heavy around to suck up all the stuff I just tilted the sticks in my magic grass and debris sucker-upper of Landscaping. And you know what? Everytime I'm in that, I'm gonna listen to the opening theme, in my head! EVERY TIME! Needless to say, it very much brightened my mood and recent skeptic worldview. A bit of insignificant happy, correctly placed, makes a lot of the bad stuff no as important, or at least easier to handle.
I like my job and I like Alaska. Oregon's still my home but Alaska's where every vacation to somewhere I've already been is gonna be. And I'll even work while I'm here, because I'm even okay with that. This is a good vacation fromhome and I needed it.
Yours,
Dag
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