Slowly Getting Acclimated

Four work days in and I am getting used to this Alaskan lifestyle.
I had an idea of what I would do up here. There was an image in my mind. There was Lonte and Jenn and the kid and I understood that place, I saw them all enjoying themselves but I didn't see such welcome in all of it. Work is great. I didn't know I could ever feel this sort of belonging, this feeling of welcome. Family means everything to these people in a way I couldn't describe. I never knew there could be such immediate trust between a group of people and another, myself most specifically.

I had told myself, my friends, that I wouldn't make waves when I came up. I would buy myself rice and eat plain rice and drink water, get lots of fruits and veggies when possible, maybe a bit of meat every now and then. I would do the chores and mind my business and try to not make a nuisance of myself. I had told myself I would still be alone in Alaska, even though I would be living with a family.

But this family of mine, up here... They didn't let that happen. They never knew my intentions to be all solitary when I came up. I didn't tell them till dinner tonight that I hadn't planned on allowing myself to be part of the family until they pulled me into it. Jenn thought it was silly. I'm just glad I haven't worn out my welcome yet.

I'm learning, getting rid of a lot of pieces of me that I should have a while ago... Getting rid of some history about myself that has been detrimental to me this whole time. Parts of me, like weighted chains, are falling from my shoulders; attachments that stuck me to my old ways of thinking. I didn't know they were so easy to slip before but I'm gradually coming to see where my path is to lead me. I have been climbing a mountain my whole life to follow this strange path life hs set in front of me and I have reached the peak. There are other mountains I must traverse but, for now, I will be more than happy to look over the peak and enjoy what I am to walk across. I can see my path of life better than I ever have. I know where to go. I am glad of it. Things are much more clear now that I have figured myself out a bit.

Other night I was at a friend of lonte's place. At one point we were talking about guns and I picked up one and thought the bullets in it were the spark caps (the fake ones so you can practice reloading and such) but that had been the OTHER revolver. I fired off in the place, thought I was gonna get chewed out hardcore,. Lonte's friend was yelling where it shot, I pointed. The world around me had exploded in black fuzz and dust and I had immediately put the gun down.

It was scary but they told me not to beat myself up over it. I owe Lonte's friend a new card table (they found the bullet later lodged in the metal leg). Everyone has an AD at some point, I was told. It shattered my world for a bit, that I had been so negligent, not checking, asking to make sure. I have always had the thought deeply buried in my mind, roots farthest down, that guns kill people when used wrong, never to pointt a gun in ANYONE'S direction, even if I knew it was completely empty. They told me, "At least nobody got hurt." and indeed that was what I was most glad for. I kept thinking, "I could have killed someone!"

And from here on out I'll be even more careful. At one point his friend's wife told me, "I hope this hasn't put you off guns. Cause you still need one." At which point Lonte and his friend nodded and his friend said, "Ya, this is Alaska, having a gun up here is the difference between life and death." Earlier on he had told me, "You're on the food chain up here, and not the top three sort of link either." Apparently a woman this year or last year (I can't recall exactly) was on her morning jog and got run down and torn apart by a pack of wolves. Scary stuff. Last year a man walked out of a place only to run face first into a moose mother and calf. He got stomped to death before he even knew what was happening. Alaska's dangerous but guns are moreso.

First rules Kiddies: The gun is always loaded and ALWAYS check it before you handle it!

All that said I can pay for another card table now if not eventually. I'll be more careful. I hope to come back a quieter, more cautious and sensibly minded individual. I intend it, in point of fact..

I hope all of you are enjoying your lives. Don't take advantage of them and don't be stupid. If you have a question, ask it, especiallly when it has to do with firearms.

All that aside, I hear they're wall mounting the table as "My First Kill." I should feel so lucky.

Yours,
Dag