Understanding and Compromise

The days are only getting longer and I seem to be wearing down on this whole excitement bit already. I got to stand a couple dozen feet, if that, away from a bull moose. just yesterday and I had to hold back laughter. Why you ask; I was so awestruck by being that close to a piece of nature, so active, so vibrant in it's on earthy ways, that I had to stifling scoffing to believe if it was real. Once I remembered that I am, in point of fact, still real and here, I remembered this thing coud really stomp me to death in a couple seconds.

Lonte told me "God forbid, if that moose starts chargin us, for whatever reason, you just find a good strong tree," He indicated the gnarled old wide tree we stood next to, half broken down but big enough and awkwardly placed in such a way that if a moose tripped over it the poor thing would probably break a leg or two, "and just keep that tree between it and you."

"They don't do that run around tree ting very well?" I asked

"Nah," he whispered back at me, "Not really all that good at the whatchamacallit." I had to stifle a laugh then but the moose didn't seem to hear nor care, though I don't know how, we were so close.

Though this was an amazing thing and probably won't wear itself out in any amount of time I woke this morning feeling a bit more tired than I woke up yesterday. (Which has been a consistency in my life since arriving) However, it is steadier, easier to change to than the day to days of back home, the chaos that I had allowed it to become. I'll definitely go back but Alaska is having a weathering affect on me. I feel when I come back I'll be used to a gradual wear and tear. I think the craziness back home will affect me less, especially since I'll be going back to a husehold of three to manage instead of seven... I'm glad for it.

On a similar note I am learning to exercise authority better; not more imposingly but with better compromise.  I'm far away from trying to be a parent and instead trying to be an older brother. Gone, at least for the summer, are the days of Uncle David. Big Brother is the word now. I don't have the same rights a parent does, obviously. I can't doll out spankings nor would I want to if I could. But I have the ability to hold the status of what they have done over them, if only as a reminder of what they should be doing. When things get rocky I don't lash out though I have noticed myself raising voice a few times, if only for emphasis. I'm put in charge as a babysitter, anything to help.

I haven't told anyone to go stand in a corner yet. I just keep the same solid tone, as I am not gonna back down, discourage whining and let the child know that it isn't going to sway the case and thereafter treat him like a person, if a person with overdeveloped sensitivities who doesn't understand all the concepts I do.

For instance; today I have been put on babysitting my youngest brother. I'm glad to say the kid is doing a great job of entertaining himself. He came to me after half the day of staring at a colorful slave box of one sort or the other (TV and Nintendo DS) and asked if he could watch TV. I told him I thought he'd been on electronics enough until his parents get back and he proceeded to whine and throw a mope session on the couch. I pretty much expected it and then sat down and we had a man to man talk, or as close to Icould have with him about convenience, what it was and how important his was over anyone else's; none. Nobody's comvenience was more important than anyone else's and how I wanted to compromise with him that he hadwasted half the day watching screens and now he just ha to wait until one of his parents back and then ask them.

This took about three minutes. Kid catches onto a good point quick. Afterward we had a few very good conversations; responsibility, adulthood. I hadn't exected this five year old kid brother of mine to know what so much was. He had a hard time grasping some things but the kid understands more than he likes us to give him credit for. To be fair, he wasn't supposed to be on the electronics anymore but that was a discretional thing that they would have agreed to. However, as we were talking about what it was to be an adult I mentioned how adults got to have cars

"Teenagers get to drive cars." he told me surely."

"Ya," I put in, "But teenagers get to drivemom and dad's car. Adults like mommy and daddy have their OWN cars." His eyes went wide like he was processing some gigantic truth. The sudden realization of it all looked like it was shocking his head off, "But," I then added beore the dogs started barking. I told them to "shut it" as Jenn walked into the house, "But being an adult means you have to get the car yourself. It's taking responsibility to get the things you want by yourself for yourself. Right Jenn?"

She didn't know at first but I reiterated and she answered, "Yep, that's pretty much it."

I hadn't though of beig a big brother before to the people in my life, "If Malakai's the mother," I have heard from more people than one, "Then Dag is DEFINITELY the father of this household."

I used to loom on it but what young adult respects their father? But big brother, that's an easier job indeed!  It's all about learning compromise and setting a good example, being a role model.

One time I told my partner, "I have viewed you as a role model, he who I model myself into the role of. You didn't ask for this and I have no right to hold you in such a place"

Well I did ask to be used as a role model; to the universe and sometimes, much to my disgust, other people who I have brainwashed myself into thinking need help from me directly, that they "need" to model themselves after me for some grandeur based illusion in my head but it isn't so. If I am to be aa king of my own life and role model to all people, reasonable or oherwise, I need to learn to be a big brother more, with compromise and abidance. I need to learn that not all people want to change and who am I to hoist my role onto them. Those who are role models don't ask; They simply act in the world they wish it to act in return to them. They want to be treated in such a way sothy treat all those they see the same way. "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." So said Ghandi.

Instead of being caught in the negativity of Expectation I will work to live in compassion and compromise.